Friday, July 07, 2006

i felt like writing some stuff about my life at a point of time inbetween the end of sec1 and till now..

Wasn't it Amazing?

We had it for a year and more..

I had always been happy about it..

Everytime i prayed to God,

I asked him to forgive me for the sins i had done,

The sins i had done to b by ur side..

And yet again i thanked him..

For what?

I thanked Him that u were still here..

By my side

And for the time that We had spent together..

I always looked out for You then..

To see if u were ok..If no one was giving u troubles..

And i confided alot of secrets in You..

And so did You..

Still rmbr that time on e bus?

We were caught..

I wasn't ashamed then..I just was smiling away..

I was some how happy..

There's no words desciable for how i felt..

I was always smiling..

No matter what happened..

I wish here i could say it was my happy ending..

Like in a fairy tail..

But as i said.. It was like a fairy tail..

But this wasn't..

Jus like how i felt..

Wen i received tad Message..

I was really saddned..

Right then I was on the bus..

And,perhaps u don't know,

I sat at the back of the bus and cried..

I just cried..

I Wished we had gone through thick and thin together..

Helping each other some how..

There was the Other day..

We took the bus back home together..

i sat next to you..

I was thinkin

"What is it i am doing here?"

I felt like jumping off th bus then..

And running home..

Or any where..

But i Din't..

I wanted to say then..

"I need you..please.."

But i Din't..

I knew it was pointless..

Then the other time i msged you..

u said things to me in a different mood..

In a happy light mood..

And b4 u said it i knew what happened..

I laid in my bed and Cried..

I cried myself to sleep that night..

My eyes were red the next day..

I felt like a helpless person in a bottomless pit..

Where ever i went.. when i tot of you..

I just cried.. no matter where i was..

Once on the similar bus we took...

I cried.. People stared at me..

i just cried.. I din care...

i felt weird...

That night..i gave in to the blade..

I bled.. i just looked at it..

And suddenly it felt better...

Then one other day...

I was thinkin too much i suppose..

Bout the past..

I dunno..

I fainted In the Rain... Nobody knew i was there...

But when i came to 3 hours had passed..

it was 4 in the afternoon..

I went home and changed.. and cut once again..

i felt better then..again..

U have no idea..

When school was open again..

what i did to hide from you..

i'd walk one big round to avoid you..

To not see you..

I ran away..

I hid and waited for you to pass..

Looked away just not see you..

All this was...just..

To run away from the actual facts..

I grew hate and Grudge..

Unknowingly..blaming You..

For everything..

The Pain..

The Memories..

The Breakdown..

But somehow.. it came to be that..

We turned from foes to frwens..

Yet..now we say hi to each other..

It's just so diificult for me..

U smile so innocently...

And makes me feel happy and not so pressured..

to just say 'hi'..

But then again..

Why is it that u don't reply my sms's?

i wait by the phone fer ur reply.. but u don't..

i feel messed up..

I both Wonder why u ignore me..

And want to 'be frwens' just as u requested..

U once gave in to the blade too..

i was concerned..

I worried for you...Hoping that..

U dint cut some where wrong like your wrists..

I was also concerned when u got those blisters on ur shoes...

I kept askin how it was..

and u always said it was ok....

I found it hard to believe..

Soon.. ur msgs became shorter and shorter..

and finally u dun reply...

i switch my phone off..

To stop myself from waiting fer ur msg..

I guess i'm just stupid..

i dunt know wad to do..

I wish..

I wish That..

I wish that i could..

Could wipe u out of my life..

it sounds easy and tempting.. may b i should?

the decision will b made in due time..

fret not..

fer i may migrate soon..

some where far away..

Then u wun have to see me anymore..

And So wunt i~

Whoa.. this is really long.. well gtg.. see ya'll..ath to ask just msg..

All Love Lost @ 5:49 AM

Name:Alexander Ho Guan Ting(freakin long)
Mandarin Name:He Guan Ting(eww)
Stage Name: Nanahara Shuya(not many call me by this)
Birthday:28 oct 1992
Blood Type: A+
Height:158cm(SHUD DUP!!)
Weight:41kg Horoscope: Scorpio
Place of Birth:Singapore,Thompson Medical Hospital
School:Anglican High; school filled with gays and lesbian

Likes
Celebrities: Will Smith..especially when he acted in Hitch!!
Author: None
Book: Armaggedeon Summer,Devils's Foot Steps
Singer: Green Day,BackStreet Boys,Eminem,Good Charlote,Yellowcard,Fallout Boy
Songs:(one from each of e above)Whatshername,I Still..,Lose Yourself, The Anthem, Ocean Avenue,Sugar We're Goin Down.
Animal:Spiders.
Finger:the most often used one, Middle finger
Colours:Black,Orange,Brown,Baby Pink,Green
Movie:FINAL FANTASY ADVENT CHILDREN!!!,Pirates of the Caribbean,Blade 1 n 2,Hitch,Xmen,The Girl Next Door..
People:Her.. Food:Anything edible.. Weather:(s'pores)Sunny with some Clouds and lots of Wind!(overseas)Snow with NO WIND!! Or just lots of sun and some clouds
Numbers:1, 9, 13
Word:Supp...
Drink:Diet Root Beer, Pepsi Max, diet coke..
Season:WINTER!!!
Country:JAPAN!!!! All the cherry blossoms.....
Disease:Diabetes(cause i have it)
Article of clothing:Jeans
Place:Infront of e com
School Subject:P.E., Recess, Free period

Hates
Book:Text Books
Singer:Hillary Duff
Colours:Turqoise, Bright Yellow.
Fruit:Rock Melon
Movies:Pointless movies
People:Teachers
Weather:When the afternoon sun is out n there are no clouds
Number:4,7,8
Word:WWWHHHAAA!!
Drink:Coke
Season:Summer
Country:Malaysia
Article of clothing:tight pants..
Place:Classroom
School subject:All But P.E., recess and free period

When you love someone so deep inside,
It seems like it's so easy to hide.
You've loved Her for so very long,
You would think She could never do any wrong.

Every day you would hope and pray,
That She would always stay that way.
She treated you like you should be treated,
You thought your life was finally completed.

You thought your love was growing true,
And then one day it was all so blue.
She suddenly put you down and it hurt,
You thought all you were to her was a plaything.

She started ignoring you and you wondered why,
What wrong had you done to deserve this?
Soon itâs all you think about,
And you feel as if your head were about to explode
All you wanted to do was curl up and die.
You thought your relationship would never end,
But that was all so fake and pretend.

One night She was so sweet to you,
You thought all those things were maybe untrue,
Later She was back the same,
You thought you were the one to blame.

She thought the relationship was getting too serious
And that you had become a little too curious.
By this time you knew it wouldn't last,
All the nice things She said were in the past.

You thought that you would marry Her some day,
And walk down that red carpet
But this time God wanted to get his way.
You wanted things back how they were before,
But you knew this couldn't happen anymore.

It was a Saturday night about ten o'clock,
You heard the news and it wasn't a shock.
You knew this was going to happen soon,
As you laid there and cried in the pale lit moon.
All alone suddenly..