Friday, February 16, 2007
So clever,
Whatever,
I'm done with these endeavors.
Alone I walk the winding way.
(Here I stay)
It's over,
No longer,
I feel it growing stronger.
I'll live to die another day,
Until I fade away.
[Chorus:]Why give up,
why give in?
It's not enough,
it never is.
So I will go on until the end.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough,
it never is.
But I will go on until the end.
Surround me,
It's easy to fall apart completely.
I feel you creeping up again.
(In my head)
It's over,
No longer,
I feel it growing colder.
I knew this day would come to end,
So let this life begin.
[Chorus]
I've lost my way.
I've lost my way,
but I will go on until the end.
Living is hard enough.
Without you fucking up.
[Chorus]
I've lost my way.
I've lost my way,
but I will go on until the end.
U-uh, u-uh
The final fight I'll win,
The final fight I'll win,
The final fight I'll win,
But I will go on until the end.
All Love Lost @
7:11 PM
THIS IS FER THE DUMB DUMB DUMBIES LIKE ZI QI FROM MY CLASS THAT MY BLOG'S URL HAS CHANGED TO WWW.FINALGOODBYE-.BLOGSPOT.COMSO PLEASE CAN U ALL GO UPDATE AND TAGG?
All Love Lost @
7:08 AM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
heyysss all.. lol..
today was maths and geog...
well.. i kinda scrwed up my geog so i pray fer the best..
maths... ok.. if i dun get a1 cause of that empty cone question and cut open thing...
i am really gonna run around.. scream my head off and jump off the building..
honestly.. first time i actually feel good bout this test.. lol..
ah well.. over the next two days i am gonna die.. die die die die!!!
i havem't study chinese finish yet.. i cant rmber a shit bout history besides the dates..
1819 which is when s'pore is founded and when raffles signed tad treaty wif tungku hussein..
1950 which is maria hertogh riot..
1954 which is antinational service riots..
1955 which is hock lee bus riots
1956 which is the singapore singapore chinese middle school student's riot
and that communist ideas were spread from russia to china then to malaya then to here..
and that the japs captured s'pore on feb 1942 and left aug 1945..
i am so freakin screwed...
ah wells... i hated history in the first place so who gives a shit? i'm dead all in all.. lol...
and for the first time in my life i feel bad bout science..
i mean like i've forgotten all bout chemistry and bio!
GRARGH!!!!! this really stinks ok?
T.T i am so dead.. and there goes my subject combi..
And here's a shout out to:
Debra!
lol... happy birthday gurll....
haha..i onli jus found out it was her birtday today wen i went on to msn and she told me..
lol.. heyy..rmber dun use TAD pic to trick guys.. or they'll probably die if they met you in person.. =X..muahahahaha..
and lucky you... dun have exams.. T.T
And to Angela!
well well.. heard you are sick..
well..jiayous la.. try to come fer exams although you'd feel shitty..
hope you get well soon..
yupp yupp..drink lots of water.. study in bed and do well fer exams!
see ya next time!
ah well.. gtg.. wanna make one final attempt to read the chapters of history...
and probably i'll be changing my blog's website soon... but i'll keep in touch with those who
i want to by tagging.. see ya'll..
gd luck fer remaining mid years! tckers!
All Love Lost @
11:36 PM
Friday, October 06, 2006
It already has almost been a year.. yet it seems like a life time ago...
life has that effect on you..
It passes so quickly doesn't it?
EOY are already here and i am like an idot here blogging..
ah heck..i'll jus take 20mins...
yesterday was really stupid..
i was listening to mp3..reading geog notes and was walking down to the bus stop..
and this stupid driver had to come all the way in my face and horn at me..
i was shocked out of my freaking skin..
of all things he had to do he had to come straight up to my face.. he couldn't have like horned from far away..
well...an idiot's born every minute and i'm one of them..
yesterday i was suppose to blog but i jus dint feel in the mood...
i was jus too pooped.. really tired and i jus went to take a nap..
stupid.. of all times..
i get one of my stupid insomia nights yesterday..
i dunno why i suddenly got it..
but i felt really down and depressed..
it was just so saddening..
hell.. i jus got up.. went down to get a cup of water and medication and got drugged to sleep..
the stupid medication was for running nose which i obviously dodn't have..
i jus took it fer it's drowsy effect..
so i waited fer bout and hour and soon knocked out onli to wake up at 6.30..
although it somehow felt like i onli slept 5 mins although it was 6 hours..
and i kinda got this hungover effect that morning..
ah well..
and lately i got this stupid pimple outbreak..
i got like so many dots on my face..
geezzz.. can't wait for them to be totally gone..
never liked pimples..
ah well...
oh yeah..
here's a shout out to:wei hua
Sorry fer smashing ur nose fer the SECOND time during basket ball!!
I DINT MEAN IT!! IT WAS A FREAKIN ACCIDENT!!!
grargh... the first time was i passed the ball to him but he looked away..
and when i shouted out to him, he turned and..SMASH..
T.T
then today was that i jumped fer the ball and so did he...
we both landed with me carrying the ball and stupidly enough..
my elbow smashed his nose again.. wha lao..
i dun wanna ding him anymore sia..
and i betta be more careful next time..
It has left a lasting memory in my mind..
I felt both happy and sad..
I felt happy for You..
That You could find what i couldn't provide..
That You were happy..
And i felt sad..
Sad at how pathetic i was..
How lousy i felt..
My days on this world are already numbered..
I don't know how long more i can live..
Another day?
Week?
Month?
Year?
I'll never know..
But i know that i'll always remember You..
And in my dyingt moments i'll smile and say to myself..
"I loved Her with all my heart..
But some how it din't seem enough..
But i'm glad i made it worthwhile.."
Maybe You din't hear it..
But i said my Goodbye..
It's so much easier to just Forget you..
To wipe You totally out of my memory..
Then to know you and to constantly remember You..
These Memories are both my greatest strenght and weakness..
But i know that there will be other strenghts out there..
This is why i choose to forget..
I'll burn to photos..
I'll erase all memories..
I'll tear out those moments in my diary..
And i'll definetly forget You in time..
'Cause i choose to..
I cried..
These Tears i cried..I'll Never ever forget them..
Just so You Know.. I Was..
Of course You wouldn't know..
Hung up inside your own heaven up in the clouds..
while i was stuck down in purgotary..
I saw..You know that i saw..
I cried..And I still am..
I hope it was fun for you to see me fall apart..
Not all sorrows..
All scars and wounds..
All Pains can be seen..
They are all hidden behind this happy face..
I hope i don't ever have to talk to You again..
I don't wish to see You again..
Our paths may cross one day..
But i'll acknowledge You as any other stranger with the same look..
This Friendship was never meant to last..
Your principles tell me so..
I don't hate You..
I can't Hate You..
Maybe one day..i'll greet You with a new name and face..
And defitnately with a new memory..
This is my Last and Final Good Bye..
All Love Lost @
1:48 AM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
heys all...
i'm just kinda really down and depressed once again.. fer four reasons this time..
1) holidays are ending
2)i can't see Her tad often anymore..
3)i got one more chapter to study fer science ct tmr..
4)i dint do any homewrk..
lol..
i am super gonna get screwed fer this la can... i still have to go and photocopy the whole freaking hist work book cause i lost it.. again! fer the 3rd fucking time!
Who the fucking shitty fuck keeps takin my wrkbok?!
I'm gonna rip ur fucking head off u bitch!
grr...
Once again.. i am thinkin bout the 2 people in my life that i am thinkin of the most right now..
both of them need help in some way..
m,aybe not one of them..
that person is capable of handling things on her own i guess...
though she makes statements tad onli apply to her and not to those around her..
whose who once felt so whole and happy.. whereas the other..
has just walked astray..
not knowing what to do.. that person steals.. drinks and god knows what else..
if i were to have to help one of these people..
i'd help the latter...
it is useless helping one who'd be so selfish to themselves..
to hurt others where others cant hurt them the way they did...
life's neva fair.. indeed..
but this time it was out of 'life's' hands and this was caused by the own person will.
if that person wasn't happpy with something..
that person should just be upright bout it..
and tell me what's wrong.. but no..
she had to some how seemingly lie to me and to trick me..
and to just hurt me where it would hurt me the deepest..
i try not to hold a jurdge against that person.. tryin deep down to be friends and to help in any way possible.. but yet it seems so hard..
as for the latter... i dunt see much of you any more..
and it's stupid as i've just seen you the other day on friday..
it was fun being with you..honestly..
i can know so much more bout the world of your mafias so called... haha..
i wish i could just see more of you some how.. it's so difficult to talk to you to know you more..
when i msged.. i tot that u dint want to answer my msgs and you were unhappy..
unhappy bout something i did..
i felt so bad deep down inside.. till i realised you weren't ignoring me..
but jus that you dint have your phone wif you..
i felt that i was to blame..
i feel so helpless in this world..
i want a sense of belonging.. some where out there i'm sure it is there..
To see you again it would be good..i miss you already when it is..when it is only the 3rd pointless and cold day..without you it jus feels so empty..come back firefly..and light up my life...
All Love Lost @
1:28 AM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
A shining blade..A little tear.. The blood is such a nice wonderful sight..It's sweet poison to me..Maybe You don't realise.. But it gives me sweet relief..---Cut here it says.. And i obey..Only because It helps me greatly..I feel dead..
I feel hollow and have no heart..
I don't feel for anything around me..
Death and blood seem like such a beautiful thing..
I have no sense of belonging,
I need something to press me on..
There's nothing in this world that i can live on for..
Or to fight for..
Life now seems so meaningless..
So different from years before where everything was beautiful..
some how nowadays i dont enjoy everything i do..
i try to make the best of everything..at least i got friends i know i can lean on..
friends who are there for you and give you a helping hand and support you..
not the kind that pushes everything to you and just says thanks..
not the kind that back stabs..
not the kind that casts evil stares at you..
not the kind that blames everything on you when something goes wrong..
lol.. the drawing done by celseteis still on my hand.. lol..
i've been staring at it on and on..
it's rather funny somehow..
Done By: celeste cheng..
lol... that's what you can read on my hand..k wad eva...
it's fading already.. gonna go over it wif marker again later when i get home..
this morning when you woke up i was like really tired..
couldn't sleep cause something was constantly in my mind..
i dun know what it was but it just stayed there..
jus some feeling..
i wonder what it is.. some one tell me..
i've lost enuff sleepp over other stuff..
celeste ah celeste.. stop stealing..drinking ALCOHOL in excessive amnts already la..
so young do this kinda thing already.. dun larghz..
stupid gurl..
Why is it that humans do things and only think bout themselves?
they dont think bout the hearts that they hurt of the people that love them so..
life's a bitch..
Or perhaps it is only humans' nature to be so self centred...
guess it's the same for me.. i judge people before looking at myself..
some how i constantly try to remind myself that i am not perfect so i cant judge..
onli god can be the one and onli judge..
but honestly.. think bout it.. how many of us do things that please us but not others..
lol... kk.. well goin fer the bbq party now.. see ya'll
All Love Lost @
2:40 AM
Friday, September 08, 2006
Glad to see you've moved on,Solved all whims and woes..But sadly, It's not what i can say for myself..sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad...happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy....take your pick...
i felt both these feelings todae..
well first of all the day went betta then expected..
i woke up by accidently banging my head on the wall... =.='''
then i met my frwen at PP at bout 9.15...
She,celeste, and i just sat there and toked and toked and toked..
actually she was the one who did majority of the talking..
i jus sat there listening and commenting and drawin..
maybe not too wise on the drawing part..
then she just took my marker and pulled my hand out..
me: "Hmm? what u tryin to do?"
"Draw on you..."
"Err.. wouldn't you prefer to draw on urself?"
"No.. I like to draw on pple.."
"Right.. and you are not a 'pple'?"
"No la.. i mean that i enjoy drawing on others.."
"RRRiiiiggghhhttttttt....."
And then i jus have to sit there watching her draw on my hand..
honestly it was painful cause my wrist was twisted.. lol..
but i dint complain..
should or would i? XP
the drawing is still on my hand..
kinda went over it a few times wif the marker..
i dint want it to fade.. dont ask me why..
when i look at it i jus feel kinda happy..
lol...
"Done.."
"Err, you drew it upside-down from my view.."
"Oh shit..stupid sia..AH i dont care!! hahahaha!!"
"How am i suppose to look it?Stand on my head?"
"Why not?"
As she said this she started turning her own head.. LOL!!!
We laughed alot together..
Then soon she had to go for her drama... kool eh... she is a CHIJ gurl btw..
So i jus sent her off to her school..
honestly but there is somethin i realised then..
Sins ARE forgiven in this world!!
By both God and Humans alike!
Last time she and i always quaralled de..
she call me basterd.. i obviously called her bitch..XD
then soon i gave her the nickname mini skirt gurl..
The reason being that one dae she walked into tuition wearing a miniskirt..
and she like jus said to teacher..
"My mom made me wear this...And i hate it alot.."
lol.. this was the statement that sparked my evilness..lol..
we really hated each other last time...
yupp... but now... We are good friends!!
aint it kool?
O well.. after i dropped her off at school she thanked me and i jus nodded..
lol..maybe i should have done more?
O well... there are other chances..
then went back to park way and waited outside mavis..
Then i met Alex..lol...
it's another alex ok?
then we went to but bubble tea..
lol.. i had milk tea!!!
haha...
then i met up wif my friend joey and we went for lunch and arcade!!
and we ended up late 5 mins for tuition.. but guess wad?
the teacher was late himself..
stupid sia...
Then i had a zinger meal upsize for lunch!!
lol...And then i met up wif sean's friends and went to marine parade there to play bball...
bball.. lol.. my fav ball game..
i dun rmber playing any other ball game other then b ball.. lol...
in any case.. i played 2 games and went home and played a bitta com..
then i got ready and made my own way to simei to have dinner..
AND SHOPPING!!
lol... well.. i continue tmr bah.. it's too late...
it's 1 o'clock.. my god.. i wonder if celeste is asleep yet?
lol.. see ya'll later!
All Love Lost @
9:08 AM
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I jus need You to know.. It's almost been a year already.. If you dont rmber..I can still rmber the reason for it.. Perhaps you dont..But u said urself that..Giving up doesn't solve a thing..But then..What happened to me?Why doesn't it apply to me at all?Guess life's ain't fair..I Wish that..I wish that this wasn't my final goodbye..Sweet poison i have always had..i wish i could die..
All Love Lost @
1:23 AM